The No B.S. Guide to Self Care

When the Covid-19 pandemic hit, we collectively experienced a massive shift in our lives– and the most privileged among us, subconsciously turned up the volume on self-care. Some of us focused on baking banana bread and others lived in places where they could take daily after-dinner walks in nature.

But for those of us on the front lines the sh*t was next level and self care was nearly impossible. For many, the reality was all of our time and energy went into finding a job, paying bills, and making sure our family was taken care of, and worst of all -- grieving for lost loved ones.

But let’s be real for a minute: global pandemic or not, for so many, self-care is a privilege, not a priority. So how do you find balance in a chaotic, unpredictable, and busy world? How can you make "you" time when it literally feels like there's not enough time in the day, ever?

But first, WTF even is self-care?

Self-care is a trendy buzzword that a lot of people throw around to mean a lot of different things (and TBH, sell a lot of different products). However, self-care is simply anything you can do to take care of yourself to stay physically, mentally, and emotionally well. Think of it as protecting and prioritizing your well-being. What do the flight attendants tell you on airplanes? Apply your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. The same logic applies here. If your needs aren’t taken care of, there’s no way you’re gonna be okay enough to help someone else. 

According to the World Health Organization, “In the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, global prevalence of anxiety and depression increased by a massive 25%,” but even years later, the mental health fallout is still very real. It's important to be able to check in with yourself and assess how you’re feeling. Engaging in regular self-care keeps you a priority.  Here’s how to do it.

Building your self-care routine

To build your self-care routine you’ll need to carve out a place and time to focus on you. You might be thinking, “Well, that sounds nice, but who the hell has extra money for all that!?” The good news is you do, because most of these habits are low or no cost.

Here’s our self-care framework:

1. Spiritual/Religious Connection

2. Find Healthy Ways to Release Emotions

3. Curate Your Space

4. Declutter Your Mind

5. Connection with Others and Self

6. Personal Maintenance

It’s normal for one component of self-care to overlap with another category. The goal is simply to incorporate as many different elements as you can to replenish yourself. If you’ve ever meal-prepped, you may have experienced how nausea-inducing it can be to try to choke down the same meal you’ve been eating all week on the 5th day. It’s kinda like that. You want options so that you won’t quit prematurely.

1. Spiritual Connection

You don’t need to become a monk, attend religious services, or even believe in a higher power to access this one. Aligning with your own sense of meaning in life can do wonders. Even stepping into a place of worship on your lunch break and soaking in the architecture can restore a sense of calm during a stressful period. 

Also consider:

• Asking questions like:

• What is important to me? What brings me joy? What is that secret thing I’ve always wanted to do and never been able to admit out loud?

• What could I do today that would bring me even one ounce of joy or a feeling of calmness?

• What does healing look like? Can I picture the best version of myself? What am I doing/wearing/where I live? How am I spending today? How would I handle this situation?

• Meditating

• If you’re new to the practice, try a free guided meditation online. Apps like Calm, Headspace, and Insights Timer are a great place to start. 

• Anything can be a meditation as long as focus and intention are there. Find a free concert in the park, attend a yoga class, sign up for a mediation class.There’s no wrong way to do it.

• Plan alone time

• Committing to a block of time spent alone is sacred and very important. Even if you’re caring for kids and managing 3 jobs and don’t have a single hour to spare, you can still find pockets of time in your day where you can just be alone with your thoughts. Taking a 5 minute walk during your break, or taking a different route on your way home can really change things up.
  

2. Find Healthy Ways to Release Emotions

Ever find yourself stuck in a cycle of venting to anyone who will listen, with no real feeling of release? While venting is perfectly normal, all things are best in moderation. There are much more effective (and less draining) ways to process your emotions. What if you tried one of these?

• Journaling: Allow yourself to write freely, to express what you’re feeling without judgment. Seriously. Even if you fill 3 pages with “I hate this. Everything is annoying. Journaling is stupid.” you are still reaping the benefits of journaling because now all those thoughts that were swirling around your head are dumped on the page.

• Go Outside Whether just sitting in the sun, or going for a walk/run/hike in nature, you’ll be surprised how a few minutes of vitamin D outside can help you reset.

• Allow yourself to be creative: paint, draw, dance, sing, cook, sculpt, play or an instrument-- find an outlet.

• Listen to music: Whether your team Spotify, Apple Music, or Tidal hit replay on your favorite album, make playlists to share with friends, try a new playlist or go to a show. Scream-singing a song that expresses just the thing you’re feeling in that moment.

3. Curate your space

Choose a physical location for where you want to set up your self-care space where you can go to decompress. Whether it’s the couch in the basement, your bed, your car, or sitting in that one spot where the sun pours in– find it and claim it.

When locating your spiritual and emotional safe space, ask yourself: “Are there any scents, fabrics, colors, sounds, etc that can help me to feel at peace after a long or tough day?” Think about what pleases your five senses and what would make each of them feel safe and relaxed.

Then, remove the clutter. If you haven’t used it, wore it, and even forgot you had it–- then let it go. Donate, recycle, or throw away the old items you no longer need and don’t feel like the best version of you. It’s okay to throw away that tee shirt from basketball camp. Consider purchasing something special to upgrade your new space or embark on a DIY project to make your oasis feel more like you.

4. Declutter Your Mind

Adulting is hard, so focusing inward is essential. If you’ve ever woken up in a SH*T mood, you know that it can be tough to break and that it can spiral into a destructive AF pattern for the rest of your day. 

The best thing you can do to declutter your mind? GET. BETTER. SLEEP. Seriously. Not only is it crucial for your health, but it also allows your brain to sift through information and emotions, and recharge while you sleep. If you’re not well-rested it makes everything that much harder.

A regular morning routine is just as essential for your mental clarity. Something as simple as waking up at consistent times can have a huge impact. Also, evaluate if you’re giving yourself enough time to wake up without feeling rushed. Letting your mind and body have the time and space to wake up slowly and safely is key.

Next, really sit down and look at how you spend your time. Create a schedule or routine that allows you to commit to your responsibilities, while still leaving time for you to hang out with friends, do something you enjoy or just chill. You may find you need to adjust your calendar.

Lastly, review your socials. Whether it’s that person from high school who you don’t really know or something random that irritates you on your timeline, make your social media YOURS and hit that UNFOLLOW BUTTON! This helps your brain engage with what matters to you (and set boundaries - but we’ll talk about that later).

5. Connecting with Yourself

You hopefully already know and believe that it’s important to spend time with people you care about, so why not extend that to spending intentional time with yourself? Because maintaining a healthy view of yourself is critical AF.

Here are some ways you can find joy alone. And disclaimer–it may feel really weird the first time you do it but give it a chance. Commit to 3-4 self-dates before swearing it off forever:

• Read

• Write

• Catch up on old shows

• Play video games

• Do something athletic: Take a workout class or or jump rope in your backyard

• Learn to sew or play an instrument

• Go for a walk

6. Personal Maintenance

Contrary to popular ad campaigns and sh*t you see all over YouTube, self-care isn’t just bubble baths and facials. Personal maintenance requires addressing the responsibilities we have to ourselves such as:

• Budgeting

• Going to therapy

• Eating healthy

• Consistent exercise

• Cleaning out your car/home/closet/junk drawer

• Discovering (and then exploring) what you’re passionate about

Although these are just a few suggestions, the focus is all about how you can feel secure in your responsibilities and in yourself.

Build a sustainable self-care habit

While most of these tips are thought-starters, we do have one hard and fast rule for all this: be kind to yourself. Changing habits big or small (and even if they’re for your own personal good) can be f*cking stressful.

And remember this: don’t add to it by engaging in negative self-talk. Yes, you might experience FOMO from deciding to hang with yourself instead of friends, but remember you’re just trying something new. It takes about 30 days to sustain a new habit so our advice - if you’re gonna do it -- do it right or not at all.

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