Depression. It’s more common than we think and more subtle than we even know. It doesn’t always look like someone crying and wearing dark clothes (although it can), but sometimes it can look like smiles and social outings. It can look like success on the outside but feel like distress internally.  It’s a good thing we know looks can be deceiving, or we’d be led to believe we are all okay.

So as you’re reading this, let me ask, are you okay? Because I’m not.

This year, I have had the biggest blessings in my life, paired with some of the biggest struggles. As my job as a virtual assistant blew up in the summer of 2020, my daughter struggled in school. Her entire Kindergarten career was through a tiny laptop computer with many faces she didn’t know or recognize. She was scared, angry, disappointed, and had a bunch of other emotions I wasn’t sure how to manage in myself, let alone a 5-year-old. 

While I was making triple the money I made in 2019, I was still sleepless and restless. I was eating junk food, gaining weight, and binge-watching TV like never before. My community was in distress, my country was in a tailspin, and everything looked bleak. But I made it through 2020 alive and with my family intact. 

So as 2021 rolled around, I started to have a little hope that although things would not go back to “normal,” there was room for improvement. I decided to count my blessings. Then on January 4, 2021, I got a text message that my mentor, former employer, and friend of three years had died of lung cancer. Just six days later, my pastor of 30 years passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack. The following weekend it was a close family friend. Then my aunt died of natural causes the weekend after that. It was a lot to go through emotionally. 

But amid my grief, I finished my first poetry collection. I went to my best friend’s wedding, signed with a book publisher, got a raise at work, and lost 20 pounds. See, blessings. 

Unfortunately, I didn’t feel any of it. I didn’t celebrate or even acknowledge all the great stuff happening. All of my good days had a thin film of sadness over them, as if I was looking at the sun through foggy glasses. Nothing was as bright as it should’ve been. 

For me, depression looked a lot like a workaholic, focusing on everything around her instead of her own emotions and mental health. I showed up for my family and my clients, and for a little while, I fooled myself into thinking I was okay. But eventually, even my book didn’t excite me. I stopped writing or working out. I stopped engaging with people or posting on social media. I said no to outings and social gatherings. I showed up enough to not alarm the world around me. That’s it.

I often hear people talking about the depression people were in during the pandemic. But a study published in The Lancet Regional Health - Americas and JAMA Network Opens found that depression rates have tripled in the first year of COVID and remain high today. It’s easy to understand the recurring sadness and distress. We, as a society, are not okay, and it’s time we did something about it.

If you’ve read this far… this is it. This blog post is your sign to go to therapy and get help. You don’t have to go through anything alone.

About four weeks ago, I decided to go to therapy myself. At first, I was hesitant to tell my friends and family I was going. Not that they don’t believe in treatment, but I didn’t even really know how to explain to myself why I was seeking it (not that I needed to explain or tell anyone, I still was at a loss). Because from the outside looking in, everything looks excellent. 

All I knew was that I wanted to feel and experience my accomplishments without the dullness of depression. I want to smile genuinely and be confident in who I am and what I’ve done. I want to take the lessons from 2020 and grow as a person. 

Therapy is a great tool and resource to help you overcome challenges in your mental and emotional health. Are you feeling numb, withdrawn, anxious, or angry? Or do you just want someone neutral to talk to? You don’t need a big reason to go to therapy. Sometimes it’s when everything is going right that you realize something internally is wrong.

But whatever your reason, therapy is a great option. When you go to therapy:

• You learn more about yourself as a whole. 

• You learn healthy coping skills when you’re dealing with emotional and mental challenges.

• You get resources to help you on your journey, whether they give you exercises or recommend medicine. 

• It can help improve your self-confidence to reach your dreams.

• It can help improve your relationships with your friends and family.

Honestly, the benefits are endless. Just try it and see. One of my favorite mental health professionals, Dr. Caroline Leaf, wrote a great article about Recognizing the Early Signs of Depression. I recommend you read it and see if any of it relates. Should you seek help? Let’s be honest, if you’re thinking about it, you should. But if you need someone to give you permission, then here it is. 

See you in the sun.

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